How Hormones Impact Relationships


Every relationship you encounter is impacted by the relationship you have with yourself. Every person who comes into contact with you whether it’s your significant other, child, co-worker, friends, or any person you interact with on a daily basis will experience the person behind how you feel in that moment.

How you see yourself in this world and how you feel about yourself in general strongly impacts your relationship with others.

One of the biggest benefits of working in a hormone clinic as a hormone coach is that I get to interact with every patient that comes in and hear their stories. For nearly 20 years I’ve been listening to women tell me how horrible they feel and how much it’s affecting them and the lives of those around them.

When a potential patient makes a consultation they meet with me first. It is in this initial 60 min appointment that I listen to them tell me why they want to become a patient and how badly they have been feeling. I go on to explain the programs we offer, and if I feel they are a good candidate based on certain clinical criteria, I get them started on their hormone balancing journey.

In this appointment, women are very open and vulnerable. They, for the first time, are talking to someone who remotely understands how they feel. They talk about their depression and how hard it is to stay out of bed. They tell me about the general anxiety that affects every moment of their day. They talk about how much they don’t like themselves and the time they spend self-loathing and feeling perpetual self-hatred. They tell me how they can’t sleep and can’t remember the last time they woke up feeling rested with energy. They tell me about the negative ruminating thoughts that they have to continuously fight off. They talk about their irrational behavior and anger outbursts with much shame. They also talk about their bitterness and resentment toward those they perceive are living a better life. They talk about their mood swings and how they can’t depend on their emotions from one day to the next. They tell me how they don’t like being touched, not even by their own children or spouse. They talk about their self-isolation and emotional detachment and how it makes them and those around them feel. They express disdain for themselves because the thought of having sex with their own husband is repulsive to them. They feel like their dreams will never come to fruition and what a disappointment life has been for them. They feel so much despair that it's hard not to feel their pain when they speak.

As women are expressing how poorly they feel, I have their lab work sitting in front of me and I can see clearly what ranges those labs fall. And what I have come to see early on is that the worse a woman feels, the lower her estrogen is. Estrogen is the happy hormone and when it's deficient, women will not feel well mentally or physically.

Another part of my job is coaching women taking hormone replacement therapy (HRT). Getting hormones balanced with advanced HRT systems is a tricky process that takes place over a period of time. It involves optimizing certain female hormones to a particular lab range, as well as, specific dietary and lifestyle changes that support the hormone therapy women take.

The process of getting hormones balanced to the Hormone Sweet Spot is a phasic journey where women will experience both positive and negative indicators as hormones are “balancing” and dietary and lifestyle changes are being made. I speak to these women along the metamorphic process and learn what goes on in their minds and bodies. Watching women get enough of the right hormones is a very rewarding experience. I hear them in our coaching session talk about how different and how much better they feel, and how it impacts every relationship they have. I also see it in how they carry themselves and the confidence they exude when they speak. They are the ones who make the connection about how they feel and the level of estrogen they have as they experience hormonal balance.

The Hormone Sweet Spot is a place of true hormone balance when estrogen and progesterone (and other hormones) fall within a specific lab range. This process takes time, and as hormones are getting into the right ranges, negative indicators such as depression, anxiety, and mood swings diminish while positive indicators such as feeling good for no reason, having energy, and losing weight increase. And it keeps getting better and better the more optimal the hormones get.

As I coach women along the hormone balancing process, I can see the changes that take place within them. Each time they come in for their follow-up, they talk about how they feel and what they are experiencing on the hormones. Again, I have their labs sitting in front of me when they talk to me. And what I have come to also see is that the more optimal their estrogen and progesterone are, the better they feel and the better they did overall. They talk about wanting to connect to their husband again and now having regular sex. They talk about the improvement in their relationships with their children and how much they are able to connect with them. They talk about how surprised they are that they finally feel like the woman they are on the inside, their true self. They can’t believe they no longer negatively react to things that come their way and have increased coping skills. Many women say they no longer feel the “need” to drink every day. They love the weight they are losing and how much energy they have. They talk about how social they are now and are making future plans with friends and relatives. They discuss what a different person they are now that they have enough of the right hormones.

Women are not used to feeling happy most of the time. They have become accustomed to feeling horrible and try to find ways to get through their day whether it's drinking or isolating or some other non-social behavior like endless hours of playing Candy Crush. Without enough of the right hormones, being around others is uncomfortable. When a woman doesn’t like herself or wants to interact with others, she behaves differently than when she has inner strength feeling like she can conquer anything. 

When optimal hormone balance happens, a woman’s internal dialog, how she feels about herself, and how she interacts with those around her changes for the better. It changes how she sees herself in this world and therefore how she communicates with those around her.

True hormonal balance changes a woman for the better for everyone. Relationships improve because you do. Your responses to things change. How you speak and how you behave improves when hormones are properly balanced. You have ultimate control over your relationships the more balanced your hormones are.

If you know you are ready to feel good again and improve the relationship you have with yourself and those around you, I encourage to you participate in my signature program, Balance Your Hormones. It is in this program that I set you up for optimal hormone balance and coach you through the hormone balancing process to the Hormone Sweet Spot. There is no reason you have to live your life not liking yourself.


Horst GJ. Estrogen in the limbic system. Vitam Horm. 2010;82:319-38. 


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